omg go away

i cant even describe how trapped and out of control i feel currently. worst situation of my life, why can he not understand the space i need. or the fact that we really will just not work out right now. no matter how hard i try. ive given this relationship fucking every thing over the pass. and i have never been one to walk away from a relationship. but this time its just not going to work. this doesnt go any where postive. at least not right now. right now if we continue on this way . were either going to whine up in jai or just fucking hating one another for a really fucking long time. and that is not to say if we end now that he wont hate me for a long fucking time, but at least after that time there is more time. and time to change and maybe if things do change. and he changes and i change. and we learn how to communicate and progress as human beings then maybe one day we can learn to progress together. as one. it is just the fact that this relationshp has become more of a hassle. its nothing i gain any happiness from any more. all i ever am is depressed and stressed. and no matter how many times i try to break it off he just comes back even more, and if i do agree to continue to see him, then he throws everything in my face. and wont let me forget my mistakes. there is no good outcome from where this is heading now. he tells me to quit leading him on and wasting his time. but i have told him multiple times look this is not going to work out. and ya i hang out with him and have sex with him. i thought we could do that and not be in a reltionship. but its not that easy. when im his first. and his first girlfriend. i guess i wouldnt be able to handle it either. he is in love with me.and i know that with all my other boyfriends i would of never been able to walk away. or handle them “cheating” on me. but with him its different i am just so fucking over it at this point that i suppose i really do nnot give a fuck. i love him. and maybe i am just fucked up. maybe i am fucking this all over. but i physcially and mentally can not be in a relationship with him. its killing me. each and every fucking day. i dont know what to do. he will not go away. and i have been hurt many times by boys. and i feel so fucking horrible inside seeing him go through the same pain that i have. i feel as tho i am in love with him and will love him forever. but at the same time i am so sick of him. maybe we are just better best friends. thats the only time i am happy with him. when we are hanging out. and not talkin about relationships. idont know what to do. if i tell him look this is real i can not be with you. it will just lead to more rage and him lashing out. and i dont want that. worst situation ever. ughhhh end rant.